Buy Tales of the Jedi: Dark Lords of the Sith
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*So, if you remember the Tales of the Jedi audio drama, you’ll know what we’re in for here. This is the next in the series.
*I’ve listened to a lot of audio drama. When done right, it can be magical. When done badly, it can be hilarious. Guess which one this is?
*Nominee for most hilariously inept sound bite ever: “’Wait, will you really want to touch that control panel once you realize it’s actually . . . a womprat?!’ *chomp* *bloodcurdling scream*”
*Seriously, it’s stuff like the above that just make you glad to be alive.
*Let me just say once more for the record that Satal & Aleema are just like the lamest villains ever.
*Okay, the actress reading the part of Aleema is just enjoying herself a little too much, if you get my drift.
*Isn’t it amusing how on these things every time people are fighting, they do way more talking than anyone would ever do in real life? And they never seem out of breath. I especially liked how Exar Kun and Sylvar had a debate about what species made the better Jedi while they’re supposedly having a sparring match.
*Is it just me or does Vodo Baas sound hilariously like James Mason? Or rather a James Mason impression as filtered through a synthesizer?
*Someone needs to tell the actor reading the part of Cay that it does not add veracity to constantly be saying “um” and “uh.” What it adds is annoyance.
*First time someone blurts “FREEDON NADD?!?” in shock and horror. It won’t be the last.
*Okay, as stupid as it was for Master Arca to get shot from behind while lecturing his students on being watchful in the comic, it’s even worse here as we hear the droid basically announce three times that he’s preparing to shoot. Does Arca not hear this crap? Does Ulic not? I mean, seriously . . .
*By the way, these people talk way, way too much during action sequences. Admittedly, in audio drama, this is believed to be a necessary evil. It’s not though. Leave it all out except the sounds of violence. We’ll figure it out. Don’t condescend to us by having the characters say things like, “I’m just killing this droid and then I’ll help you, Cay.” “Thanks, Ulic, these droids have me pretty well pinned down.”
*Okay, why is Exar Kun so freaking surprised every time Freedon Nadd’s spirit shows up to help him? He literally bellows “FREEDON NADD?!?!?!” every single time. Criminy . . . he’s going to be helping you, dude. Learn to expect it. For all of our sakes.
*How do you do a Twi’lek voice? Record the guy reading his lines and then loop it together twice. Ah, the miracle of overdubbing . . . thank you, Patti Page.
*I mean, why would anyone’s voice sound like that, no matter what species they are? It’s not like Twi’leks have two throats or two mouths or whatever.
*I’m not sure who propagated the idea that high pitched laughter was frightening (probably Frank Gorshin), but it’s not true. It’s just . . . not . . . true.
*And in the final moments, it is also proved that LOW pitched laughter is not menacing either.
*CANONICAL STATUS: This document is clearly based on true events, but it is full of distortions, fabrications and outright deceptions. While figures in this text are based on real historical figures and many of the events here are more or less based on the events that led to the Sith War, this book is mostly inaccurate and is NOT RECOMMENDED as a historical resource.
*Absolutely forbidden. 0 stars.
John Whitman
*Next time . . . well, it turns out I spoke too soon; I actually skipped a chapter in the Tales of the Jedi Companion. Join me next time as we gladly (!) return to that wonderful (!) book with Tales of the Jedi Companion: Jedi.