All this makes me wonder if God really exists.
It’s a dark and rainy Christmas Eve and this small town police station is having a quiet night. Due to an accident on the highway, all traffic has been diverted away from their quiet little main street and so, it looks like the six police officers on duty here tonight will have nothing to do. Until in walks Val Kilmer, dressed all in black, with long blonde hair and an impassive air. His name? Mr. Nobody. He’s here to turn himself in for MURDER! In fact, he has six murders he’d like to confess to. If you immediately notice that this is the same number of people in the police station at the moment, you’re doing a lot better than the highly trained detectives we’ve got here. It’ll take them more than half the movie (and about half the cast getting knocked off) before they figure out that the six murders Mr. Nobody is talking about are the very murders he’s committing right in front of them.
This movie is punishingly bad. Val Kilmer hardly registers as a presence, honestly. Due to his “magical” nature, he spends almost the entire movie just sitting in an interrogation room, staring at the wall while the police officers are knocked off one at a time by invisible assailants. Unfortunately, Val Kilmer’s bored performance is also somehow still the best performance in this movie; none of the other actors are good at all and the more overwrought their performances get, the cheesier they are. There’s something of a thrill to the element of police brutality here; as you’ll figure out very quickly, more quickly than the detectives here, this mysterious Traveler has been sent to mete out cosmic justice/revenge for an act of police brutality that these six cops were all involved with. I feel like this plot element lands with more impact in 2021 than it probably did in 2020, but, let’s face it, it’s still so incompetently handled that it ends up basically undercutting its own thesis and we’re supposed to be glad when the ringleader of the abusive cops manages to vanquish Mr. Nobody and survive, even though he’s an unrepentant piece of garbage. Anyway, just as a side note, this movie was clearly going to be called Mr. Nobody until they figured out that there were rights issues or something because I don’t think the word “traveler” is spoken even once in this movie. Anyway, there was one jump scare that got me and there is one scene of a character being suffocated with a plastic bag that is somewhat creatively shot. I mean, that is IT for this movie. What a disaster. ½ star.
tl;dr – Val Kilmer can’t save this dreary, unbelievably stupid tale of vengeance being visited on a cast of unlikable, poorly-acted characters on a rainy Christmas Eve.